Christmas night

This is the first year Mary and I have been home for Christmas in a while. We had a very quiet Christmas with just the two of us. First time in a long time. It was nice, actually. I am madly trying to finish some fingerless gloves I am knitting for a friend. She knitted me a pair of socks for my birthday a number of years ago. I loved them and that she made them. It seems, though, that when you do something like knitting or quilting or sewing or stuff like that, most people don't think that you would like stuff like that yourself. Actually, you do, because you appreciate exactly how much work went into the gift because you do it yourself.

I am just typing away and not really going to edit this time. Just post it. If I do that, maybe I will put stuff up here more. It takes me a while to edit and then I don't start because it won't be done well. So, now, I'll try just writing like I used to in my hand written journals.

I got a Holiday email from Jack Kaplan. For all you juggler people who know who that is; I didn't know he had gotten married again and that he had twins. Unfortunately, only one twin lived. The boy. I went to his website and got updated on him. I also looked at a lot of pictures and got to see people I hadn't seen for a while. Like Barry and Sue Bakalor, and Jason Garfield, Jon Wee and a few more. Ellen, his daughter by Kathy, looks ethnic. I thought she was a boy until I looked further. Jack seems to be doing fine. Duo show with his wife with acrobatics. Gee, does that sound familiar?

I've been getting rained out these holidays a lot. I wish I wasn't as I have been spending money on myself this year. I've bought some clothes for myself as well as Mary. Plus, we are flying to Denver for a family get together in January. I'm always trying to stay within the budget even if we add new things. Hopefully, I still can. Up 'til it has been raining, I have.

We also have been taking Tango lessons. After lessons we go to free dance. I have always liked dancing, so this is a good thing for me. However, it still feels weird to be asked to dance by perfect strangers. It's sort of a gentle way to introduce me back into dating which I haven't done since I left Cliff. Hopefully, I will adjust and I will meet someone nice and it will work. At least I will be trying. Once Mary is in college I plan to do something about my social life. I think my heart my have recovered enough from Cliff, Markus, and Todd to try again. We'll see. It still feels somewhat patched up. I really, really, really don't want my heart hurt again. Yet, I also don't want to be single anymore. But my criteria for a good man may be a little hard to find. I really do want to be well loved, just for myself. I don't want to just love someone else, I want to be well loved back. I need that now, in my life. I also want him to know how to cook, and be a good handyman. I have more stuff on my list but this is good enough for now.

It is sad about all the difficulties that Andrew and Paula are going through. I've been through some tough times myself and can certainly relate. I am so thankful that pretty much all of mine are close to being ended. Mary says I am too perky all the time now. I seem to be happy a lot lately for no reason at all. This is a good thing. I haven't been happy like this in a very, very long time. Day after day. I hope it lasts now. I think that having all my difficulties being almost done has something to do with the perkiness. That and the enormous effort I put into said difficulties over the years so the effect on Mary's and my life would be as positive as it could possibly be given the circumstances did in fact, make most everything turn out in the end, well. I had a path, I moved down it through the years, adjusting as we went as life happened and it has ended up pretty much good. All my work, paid off and it's a relief that it's almost over.

And wonder of wonders, even my very separate immediate family is making moves towards being more of a family. We'll see if that continues. We were never a close family. But with Mother not totally well, it seems to be spearheading everyone into staying in better contact and attempting to actually get along. If it works, it will be a good thing.


That's all for tonight. Seasons Greetings to everyone.